The Hub of Sparkle!

This is actually a crosspost from my Metropolitician blog, but someone suggested I crosspost it here.

Blogs around the world are overflowing with “top ten” and “most lame” and all sorts of other lists, especially around the end and beginning of years. I’m not going to continue them, but merely begin a master list of things I wish I had known or would have helped me when I first came to Korea. Since things in life don’t usually come in tens or factors thereof, I’m going to leave the number of items on the list open. If you’d like to add to the list, please do so in the comments, in a single paragraph in the same format as the items in the main list.

As always, vulgar or otherwise inappropriate comments will be deleted. Just keep it real and reasonable, please. If I could fly back into the past and whisper into the ear of myself before coming here, I would say, in no particular order:

“Always check the taxi when you get out.”
I don’t know how many times I’ve picked up a cellphone that had fallen out of my pocket, an extra bag that I’d forgotten I’d brought that day, or even my whole frickin’ camera bag after sleeping during a long ride after perhaps a couple beers too many. MAKE IT A HABIT. Step out of the car, hold the door open quite deliberately, and check. The taxi driver will know what you’re doing, and if it’s dark, will flip the light on for you. THIS WILL SAVE YOU SO MUCH HASSLE, you won’t even believe it. You know that friend who lost his camera, or her cellphone, or a purse or whatever? It’s usually at this stage. I have NEVER lost a personal item in Korea. Because most are lost in taxis, and I always follow this rule. Seriously. Do it.

“Bring a fax machine.”
I did this, against my will, because my father thought it best to bring a fax machine. Trust me, even with being able to do it through the computer or whatever – totally worth its weight in gold and trips to the Kinko’s. Applications, verifications, official requests of all kinds – that little old phone/fax/answering machine isn’t much more trouble than bringing a normal phone and has already paid for itself, both in terms of money and hassles not had.

“Bring your sources of pleasure.”
Whatever those are – your music on an 80-gig iPod, home theater system, French horn, or stamp collection – bring them with you, since it only usually involves packing them in a special box. Even if you’re just here for a year, it’s just an extra packing job and a few bucks to send. But if it helps keep you grounded, centered, and happy here, it’s well worth it. And often, if you do end up staying longer, you’re going to just re-purchase some of them anyway, or wait a long time before you make a trip back and end up boxing up and bringing back what you should have just bitten the bullet about and packed in the first place. So it’s going to be a bitch to move? Hey, moving’s always a bitch. And?

“Buy necessities. Don’t live like a nomad.”
Buy a set of eating utensils. Get a set of cups and plates. Spend a bit on the multi-region DVD player (you can take it back with you and the multi-region ones are harder to get in the US, anyway). It’s not that different financially, but very different psychologically. But if you’re semi-settled like a normal person, you feel more normal and can do more normal things, such as invite people over to eat at your place, you can buy normal Korean DVD’s (they’re the same as the American ones except for the additional Korean subtitle track – bonus!), and many other things. And the Korean-style necessities (e.g. floor cushions, extensive selections of slippers, cool scrubby things for the shower, cheap copper cooking pots) are often cool enough to take back and add value to your life here. Ain’t that why you came to a foreign country, and Korea specifically?

“Try not to think of ‘Korea.’”
It’s easy to come to a new place and think of everything good or bad in terms of that new place. Try to stop yourself every time you say the words “Korean all…” or “I hate it when Koreans…” Of course, it’s tempting to do and it’s a struggle to not get pulled into that, but the longer one is here, the more one can see that yes, like any place, there are cultural and social patterns, but that asshole taxi driver can be just that – the asshole taxi driver. He doesn’t have to be “Koreans.” It’s hard to do at first, when everything new, good and bad, is “Korea.” It’s hard to do sometimes, especially when certain things are very Korean in how they pan out (like the drunk ajussis who seem to like to mess with me on the #1 line); but I also remember the coworker who took me to dinner, the students who went out of their way to lead me through the Coex Mall the first time I went, etc. The bad bubbles to the top first, and Korea, like any other country, has its own set of problems, but try not to go down the path to “the Dark Side,” since “forever will it dominate your destiny.” Living in Korea as a foreigner is a struggle, and just when you forget that is when you get whacked on the head by a drunk guy. Be prepared for it.

“Don’t believe the hype.”
Koreans are “conservative” or “don’t have sex before marriage” or “are all studious” or all do X, Y, or whatever else Koreans love to tell foreigners Koreans do or are. It’s usually bullshit and blowing overly-positive smoke up your ass, and an easy way to end up going over to the Dark Side after suffering from an acute case of smashed assumptions.

“Don’t get all über-American (or wherever).”
Being overseas usually means your kneejerk patriotism gets a boost, especially in relation to things you may not like over here. So, yes, sexism and racism and social inequalities suck here, but don’t forget there are glass ceilings and screwed up shit back home, wherever that is. And for us “liberal” Americans (as “conservative” as Koreans, are, right?), let’s not forget that being gay hasn’t been OK or cool for very long, and it’s generally only Americans who started taking Genesis literally and started believing the Earth is flat again. All isn’t perfect back home, so stop making direct comparisons. They’ll get you nowhere useful fast.

“The stronger, deeper, and more numerous your affective ties, the better.”
In any society, one has a diverse number of affective ties: family, friends, lovers. Depending on who you are and how you come here, much of your support group will be gone. The quicker you make real Korean friends, a significant other, and other connections with people you actually care about, the better. So yes, the “Korean girlfriend” is a good thing, as would be a close friend, or anyone who cares about you more than the person who passes you in the street. And you accelerate and accentuate other aspects of your life here as well. Affective ties help you acquire Korean language skills, keep you from going to the “Dark Side,” help you feel like a normal person. Because normal people need those things.

“Diversify your contacts.”
If everyone you know is like you, that ain’t too healthy, no matter where you are. Imagine if all your friends were your coworkers or friends of coworkers; or everyone you knew was a lawyer and you were a lawyer; or all the people you knew were white and you’re white. Now, you may be the type of person who only likes people like yourself, then what can be said? But if you aren’t, you might think about the fact that part of the reason things are so miserable when they get the most miserable is because you only know one thin slice of people. So if all your friends are English teachers, think about how narrow a part of this complex society that is; if all your Korean friends speak English well (in order to speak to you), then you have a self-selecting and narrow exposure to all the types of Korean folks out there. This is not bad per se, but you should just think about where you are and what more there might be out there. Do something different: volunteer, vary your routes home, take a random bus and get lost in the city, try something new. Related to that:

“Learn Korean. Then learn more.”
The more you learn, the more you can converse with people, the richer your experience here will be, the more independent you will be, the more you can enjoy life here. All that obvious shit. Seriously. And if and when you plateau, push yourself with an activity that will force you to learn more. I taught a photo class in Korean, and now I blog in Korean a bit as well. Whatever floats your boat, get in where you fit in.

“Never trust a job until you see money in hand.”
One rule of thumb in Korea is that no matter how solid the job, guaranteed the gig, never ever ever count on that money until the job’s done and the deal in hand. I’ve agreed to do jobs with handshakes made, dates set, and even having made multiple confirmations – only to have them fizzle into oblivion with nary any warning. I’ve even shown up for the first day of whatever only to find I was the only one not told something was cancelled. In Korea, it ain’t real until the money’s in your hand. And that being said, I’d push to be paid up front (usually this makes any shaky arrangements appear as what they are) or by the week as you do it if you can help it. Doubt this rule at your own risk. You’ll know what I’m talking about eventually.

“If you and a member of the opposite sex are meeting alone, serially and at least several times, you are dating.”
You may think you’re “just friends,” or s/he’s just very kind and likes to hang out with you, but if you aren’t careful, you’ll be out of the friend zone before you know it. Gender norms and the iron law of heteronormativity are in major effect here, and the exceptions to this rule so infrequent that it’s worth just making this a rule. This rule is in effect unless s/he’s spent a lot of time in foreign countries and doesn’t conform so closely to the gender rules here, or s/he’s using you for English practice. Which brings me to the rule below.

“Dating Korean girls who only want to speak English is never worth it.”
Yeah, yeah – somewhere in one’s past, you’ve rationalized away the fact that his hot young lady considers you a walking dictionary, but it could be worse, right? Umm, not really. Hot or not, it’s never worth it. It’s like trying to construct a perpetual motion machine – a losing endeavor and never worth the effort.

“Don’t mess with ajumma.”
These are the women generally aged 40+ who are sturdy yet nimble, stocky yet quick. You probably won’t have any reason to get into a confrontation with an ajumma, but if you do, you’ll lose. You can’t shout down an ajumma. It’s a law of the universe and you’ll lose in the court of public opinion. Because why would you even try, right? You must be crazy, no matter how right you may be.

“Don’t fight with Russian women.”
I’ve never violated this rule, and never will. It may seem a sweeping generalization, but in the Korean context, it’s just good to follow. I’m not saying Russian women in Korea are bad people, just that they seem to be good fighters. To the end. I’ve seen this rule violated and it didn’t end well for the transgressors. I’ll just leave it at that. Be PC if you want. But I respect the Russian ladies and let them have the benefit of the doubt.

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